Xios/summer 2009

A few photos from my native island...

Sweet and Sound festival review

This is a review I did in the Summer for Sweet and Sound magazine about Offset festival...

Offset Festival '09

As we approached Offset festival I was pretty underwhelmed. Beside the entrance was a laughable comedy tent, I could see a smallish stage, no sign of the vintage funfair promised, and a tiny camping area on the horizon. After a short time though, I realised that its size worked to its advantage. Finding people, for one thing, was not a problem – I would bump into friends all the time. However, this meant that you couldn’t avoid people very easily either.

It was a nice intimate festival. There was no vintage funfair, though there was a vintage clothes tent, which was reasonably priced and held some good stuff. Just had to make sure you didn’t go in there under the influence to avoid bad buys and overspending. Selling vintage clothes was really quite a good idea, and they had their perfect market. In terms of the festival-goers, it was as if brick lane had thrown up over a small patch of Hainault. And speaking of Hainault, if you go to Offset next year, try not to be put off by the surrounding area. It’s basically a long stretch of depressingly monotonous road, inhabited by yobs.

For such a small space there were lots of stages and tents. The only problem with that was a bit of sound-bleeding. There were lots of good acts, though I can’t say I saw that many of them. The Slits gave a lively performance with lots of reference to the female audience’s, and their own, ‘poom pooms’. They brought up about twenty people onto the stage (after having requested just 2) who had to be dragged off by security. They could have done with one or two more hits, but, all in, all, a good show. The security on the whole was a little too strict. They wouldn't let anyone crowdsurf. Even when the performers tried, they would rip them from the clutches of the audience. We were also subject to very thorough bag and pocket searches leaving no crevice unmolested. Boys, if you are taking anything illegal in, get a girl to put it in her bra.

The Futureheads came before The Slits. I only caught the final song, which was Hounds of Love, and thoroughly enjoyable. The lighting was really nice during all the acts on the main stage, setting the dancing crowds aglow with pink and orange.

Metronomy were the last of the big acts performing on Saturday. They managed to piss everyone off before even appearing by being about a year late to come on. After everyone had waited ages at one stage there was an announcement that they would instead play at another. This prompted a stampede of Metronomy fans to sprint to the main stage, which was a minute’s stroll away, crying, “They’ve moved! Quick! Quick!” Little did the fools know that the band would in fact take another hour to appear. When they did, they were musically perfect, but lacked pazazz. There were few moments I felt achieved more than merely listening to them on my laptop would have.

For me, the two musical highlights of the day, and indeed the weekend, was the Top Nice tent and Lekiddo - Lord of the Lobsters.

I am trying not to be biased, because I know and like the guys that organise Top Nice, but their little gazebo at the back of the arena next to the toilets was probably where I had the most fun. They played great music and whoever wasn’t DJing would be frantically dancing around enjoying the music. I could tell it wasn’t just my personal attachment to them because random people would approach the decks to compliment the music and to thank them. So, nice one Top Nice.

And as for Lekiddo… This can definitely not be labeled biased, as I had never seen the man before in my life. When I did see him, however, I knew I was onto a good thing. There he was, alone on the stage, clad in a gold cape and his chest branded with a gold lobster. This tall, well-built, camp, black Lord of the Lobsters was up there sweating and beaming, but concentrating hard on his dance moves and song words. The theme of the songs seemed to be mainly disco. Unfortunately we arrived during the penultimate song. But, boy, what a finale he gave us. After teaching the audience some beautiful dance moves to use during the chorus, he launched into a song about beaches, cocktails and, of course, disco. There was something so radiant and modest about Lekiddo that made me want to get the dance just right and make him happy. As I turned round, I saw the whole tent doing the movements and gazing at him in the same way that I must have been. During the applause he looked bashful and flattered which made me like him even more. Lekiddo – you are something special. Pinchy Pinchy kiss kiss!

The arena sort of died out at about 11 or 12. There were still a few things going on, like the Nuke Them All! dance tent if you could still handle electro beats by then. But most people filtered out to the campsite.

The next day I felt like shit and the last thing I wanted to hear was loud music, but nor did I want to wallow in a tent. Offset provides the perfect alternative. Just above the festival is a little farm with ponies, sheep, donkeys, goats and owls. Others had had the same idea, and so we all wandered around like children looking at the cute animals.

Once back into the arena there wasn’t much I wanted to see so I hung around the Top Nice tent, went for a walk in the forest and tried to eat. I’m sure there was lots of fun stuff going on but I wasn’t really interested. I tried to watch acts like S.C.U.M, but they made me want to die. A Certain Ratio played at around six o’clock. They were pretty good but definitely should have played more hits. Other than Shack Up it was a little boring.

Apart from feeling crappy, it was nice to be there. The sun was shining, the music was good and raspberry daiquiri slushies were only £4. But then suddenly the invasion was upon us. Suddenly everywhere you looked there were small shifty-looking clusters of Hainault’s finest pikey-rudeboys. Some were hopping around haphazardly, a maniacal gleam in their eyes and hands always locked to crotches. Others were intimidating gay couples, and the ones that didn’t have enough stealth were staring in and lurking outside the arena fence, intimidating people into giving them a wristband. What was a little worrying was that security seemed infinitely less bothered by these happenings than by young girls sneaking in a few Strongbow under the fence. It made no sense. Luckily the spirit of the festival buried any anxiety caused by people causing trouble.

Offset was a small but perfectly formed festival. There were good bands playing, a good atmosphere and it was only a few zones down the central line for us Londoners. I can see it being a festival that grows in size and popularity and I would certainly go again.

Words by Evie Jeffreys, photos by Scott cullen

http://www.sweetandsound.co.uk/september/offsetfestival2009.html